Sly fool. Ion kryangekoza and three kids Zaika talks about a goat

Goat-Dereza

Grandfather went to the bazaar. He sees a man selling a goat for two pennies. Grandfather was delighted that a goat can be bought so cheaply. He reached into his pocket for money, and the seller waved his hands.
- Don't, - he says, - take it for free!

The grandfather was surprised, began to examine the goat. He sees her side is peeled off.
- Unhappy me, - the goat explained, twisted a goat's face and sang such a sad song:
- Why did I become skinny,
Why is the side peeled off?
There is no simpler answer -
The owner was cruel.
I plowed for him,
I went for firewood
And he, impudent,
Wasn't it right!
After all, I washed him
And darned socks
And my heart was breaking
From grief and longing.
Why did they torment me
And they beat the orphan,
Grasses were not given
Hold it in my mouth.

I won't let you in offense, - decided the Grandfather and even tied a bow on the Goat's pigtail.
Grandfather brought the goat into the house, introduced her to Grandma and the household: the rooster Kiryusha and the rabbit Trush.
The grandmother began to give everybody instructions: to chop wood for grandfather, to sort out peas for Kiryusha, to do sorrel for Truche. When it came to the goat, the legs gave way, and the goat collapsed to the floor.

Leave her, - said Grandfather, - she is unhappy, tortured.
- Okay, - Granny agreed, - he will rest, bring water. - And went to the garden.


So everyone went about their business. Grandfather chops wood, Grandma loosens the earth in the garden, in the house Trush the rabbit picks off the petioles from the sorrel, Kiryusha's rooster picks out peas. And the goat sprawled on the couch like a lady, but chuckles.
- Boring, - he says, - you live.
- Why is it boring, - the Rooster was offended. - We live amicably and merrily.
- Is it fun, - the goat grinned and, dancing, sang:

- Before having fun,
It is necessary, brothers, to split up,
Someone is working and plowing,
Someone is jumping and dancing.
Let me pinch a little
Sorrel and peas:

Goat - chi-chiviki,
The goat is chiki-briki!

It's not idleness
And work is not fun
Let them feed to the bone,
I would have danced then!

Before the goat had time to finish the song, Grandfather burst into the hut with a bundle of firewood. The goat creeps up to him:
- You are old, and you are forced to work. Let's play checkers.
The grandfather was confused, he dropped the bundle. And here Granny carries a head of cabbage:
- Here tomorrow there will be a pie! - I saw that Grandfather had scattered firewood, began to reprimand him.
- You tortured me, - the grandfather got angry, - there is no time to rest. Dereza is the only one who takes pity on me. Get out, goat, checkers!
Night fell, everyone went to bed. The rooster fell asleep, Trush fell asleep. Outside the window, frogs croak, Grandfather and Grandma snore on the stove. Derese alone cannot sleep, she wants to have fun. The goat thought, thought - to throw it out like that? And she came up with it - she cried like a rooster in the whole hut.
There was a commotion in the hut as a result of the crowing of the cock. Grandfather fell asleep from the stove and fell on the bench. The shop turned over, and the pot was put on Grandfather's head. The rooster fluttered, flapped its wings, took off and woke up the rabbit. Trush woke Granny up. Grandma got up and turned on the light.
Grandfather saw what happened, and how he would shout:
- What are you, rooster, maddened, crowing in the middle of the night ?! Get out of the house !!!
The innocent rooster went out of the hut. The rest went to their places. The goat also fell asleep, pleased that she had done such an outrage.
The goat woke up, there was no one in the hut, only Trush was getting some sleep. Grandfather is doing exercises in the yard. The grandmother blows up the samovar. In a word, no one sees the goat. Dereza ate a flower on the windowsill - what else to eat? There is a cabbage head. She tore off a sheet - delicious, tore off a second - sweet. And more, and more ... until there is one stump left. Suddenly he sees Granny going into the house.
The goat rushed about the hut, but quickly figured out what to do. She pushed the stump towards Trush with her foot, and she pretended to be asleep. Grandma entered the hut. - Come on, helpers, it's time to get up. - I took a board, a knife, but there is no head of cabbage. - Where is the cabbage?
At this time, Grandfather appeared in the doorway, shrugging his shoulders. And Trush woke up, saw a stump in front of him, decided that it was a treat for him, and put it in his mouth. Grandfather grab the rabbit by the ears - here he is a thief! And he sent the poor man after the rooster. In short, Grandfather and Grandma were left without Trush and Kiryusha.
Meanwhile, the goat flies to Grandfather, rubs against his legs.
- Oh, you are my dear, - the old one was moved.
Business time, fun hour.
- Rested, - says the hostess to the goat, - now go for water.
The goat even hiccuped in surprise.
“I’m hungry, I would have to pinch the blades of grass first. So be it, Grandma decided, and sent the goat into the field.
A goat came to a clear field. Sees the other two goats. From one fresh grass I ate, from another spring water I drank. Then she climbed onto the walkway and sang:
- How will I look at you, goats
Can't refrain from crying.
You learn from me, goats,
Take an example from Dereza!

You, poor things, have an evil lot,
And I am not a match for you, goats,
I live in a hut, not in a barn,
I sleep on a soft, always full.

Once Dereza got down to business,
You goats have nothing to grieve about
I'll kick out Grandma and Grandfather,
And we will live with you!

And Grandfather was mowing the grass in the field at that time and he heard everything.
Gathered in the house Grandfather with Babka, Kiryusha and Trush.
What to do with the vile goat? Dereza - no ... Dereza - me ... But no one even listened to her.

- Go, Dereza, wherever you want, - said Grandma.
And Grandfather removed the bow from the goat.
Dereza left, and then everyone felt sorry for her. The rooster remembered:
- A goat, but she knew how to crow - a talent! Rabbit says:
- It was fun with her!
- She took care of me, - added Grandfather.
- Okay, - said Grandma, - forgive Dereza. Go, Grandfather, turn it back.
The grandfather did not have time to get up from the bench, and the goat is already right there with two buckets on the yoke enters the hut:
- You, Grandma, said, go wherever you want, so I ran for water!

Once upon a time there was a goat with three kids. There was no living from the senior to the middle one - until then they grew self-willed, and the younger, diligent and obedient, succeeded. As they say: five fingers on the hand, and all are different.

Once a goat called her kids and said:

- My dear children! I'll go to the forest and bring you food. And you lock the door behind me, do not quarrel with each other, and look, do not open anyone, until you hear my voice. As soon as I come, you will find out from the song. Here's what I'll sing for you:

Did you hear what I said?

- Yes, mother, - the kids answered.

- Can I not worry?

“Be calm, mother,” both elders pushed forward. - We guys wherever, what I said is sacred.

- If so, let me kiss you! May God keep you from evil, goodbye, children!

- Good journey, mother, - the youngest answered with tears in his eyes, - and may God help you to return as soon as possible and bring us food.

The goat went into the forest, and the kids closed the door behind her, slid the bolt. But, as they say, walls have ears and windows have eyes. Rogue wolf - you know which one? the one that is brought to the goat by the godfather - has long been waiting for an opportunity to grab the kids. So he now overheard, hiding behind the goat's hut, as the goat mother instructed her children.

“Okay,” he thought. “My time is ripe. If only their sin pushed the door open for me, and there it will be good. In an instant, I’ll strip the skins off them!”

No sooner said than done. The wolf approaches the door, sings a song:

- Come on, guys, run open! Run!

“Brothers,” shouted the older kid. - Quickly unlock, mother brought us food.

“Don’t unlock it, brothers,” said the younger, “otherwise we’ll have a bad time.” This is not mother. I recognize it by the voice. Our mother's voice is not so thick and not hoarse, but pleasant and thin.

Hearing such words, the wolf went to the blacksmith, ordered himself to grind his tongue and teeth so that his voice became thinner, and again knocks on the door of the kids, sings:

- Do you hear? - says the elder. - And why only do I obey you? You chatter that this is not mother. Who but mother? I also have ears. I'm going to unlock it.

- Brother! Brother! The younger shouted again. - Listen to me. You never know who will come and sing:

Well, will you open the door even then? You know that our aunt died long ago and turned to dust, poor thing.

- Well, didn't I say? - the elder got angry. - It's a good thing when eggs teach a chicken ... We'll keep mother for so long outside the door! No, I'll go and unlock ...

The younger then nimbly ducked into the chimney, rested his feet on the pole, buried his nose in the soot, was silent like a fish, trembling with fear like a leaf. The middle one too - jumped to the dough; cringed, poor thing, into a ball as best he could. Silent as the earth, with fright the wool on it stands on end: who lies - not a hero, but alive! And the elder is at the door: to unlock, not to unlock? All the same, he pushed the bolt back. And who does he see? And he didn't have time to see, poor thing, for the wolf's stomach was purring and his eyes were sparkling with hunger. Once or twice, the wolf bit into the kid's throat with his teeth, immediately tore off his head and swallowed it so quickly, as if he had one tooth. Then he licked his lips and began to rummage around the house, saying:

- Either it seemed to me, or really I heard several voices here? But what the hell, as if they have sunk through the earth ... Where are they, where?

Looked in there, looked in here - no kids and nothing more!

- Miracles in the sieve! What should I do then? However, there is no hurry, there is nothing to mow at home! I'd better sit over there, let the old bones rest ..

Groaning and groaning, the godfather sat down on the dough. He sat down, and either the dough creaked, or the godfather sneezed, but only the kid could not stand it under the dough. Looks like sin pushed him and his back itched!

- To your health, godfather!

- Oh you ... oh you, prankster! Is that where you settled down? Go, dear, to the godfather, he will kiss you!

He lifted the dough, pulled the kid out by the ears, and only the fluff went from the poor fellow! As the saying goes: every bird dies because of its own language.

The wolf spun around, spun around the hut, maybe he could get something else, but he could not find anything else: the younger sat quietly, silent, like a fish.

The wolf sees that there is nothing else to profit from, he conceived something else: he put both heads in the windows - their muzzles bared their teeth, as if laughing; afterwards he smeared the walls with blood, so that he could annoy the goat even more, and went home. As soon as the robber got out of the hut, the young goat immediately jumped out of the pipe, firmly pushes the bolt. He began to tear his wool, crying bitterly, killing his brothers:

- My dear brothers! If they had not obeyed the wolf, he would not have eaten you! And poor mother does not even know what trouble has befallen you!

He groans, laments, almost fainted.

But what can you do? It is not his fault that the foolishness came out sideways to the brothers. And while he moaned and cried, the goat hurried home, brought food to the kids, out of breath. She went to the hut, and from the windows two heads were looking at her, teeth bared.

- My dear children! They are waiting for me, they will not wait, and they laugh towards me!

Great was the joy of the goat. However, she came closer - what is it? An icy chill ran through my body, my legs buckled, my eyes dimmed. What's this? Maybe it just seemed to her? She went to the door and called:

- Mother, mother! Trouble befell us! Worse than a fire, worse than a flood!

The goat took her eyes around the hut, horror and trembling seized her. And then she regained control of herself and asked:

- What happened, baby?

- And that's what, mother. How did you leave home, a little later, we hear someone knocking on the door and singing:

- The elder brother, out of stupidity and stubbornness, immediately ran to unlock it.

- And what then?

- Then I quickly climbed into the pipe, the middle brother hid under the sourdough, and the older one, without hesitation, pushed the bolt aside.

- And then?

- Then the trouble happened! The wolf, our godfather and your friend, ran into the hut!

- Who? My godfather? Why, he swore with his wool that he would not touch my children!

- Yes, mother, he is! The villain touched them hard!

- So I'll teach him a lesson. He thinks that if a poor widow has a full house of children, then you can mock her? Rip off the skins of the guys? No, he can't escape the reckoning! Ah, he is a villain, ah, a robber! And he bared his teeth, blinked at me ... But I was not the kind that he thinks, I never jumped over the fence. Well, all right, kumanyok, I'll take it into account! Have you thought of harnessing your oxen to my plow? Know that you will straighten them without horns!

- Oh, mother, oh! Better keep quiet, well, by God! You know the saying: I don’t want to see the devil, and I don’t need a cross.

- No, no, son, until you reach God, the saints will prevail. Here's my word for you, son: do not please the villain! Just be careful not to tell anyone so that he can visit her.

Since then, she was looking only for an opportunity to get even with her godfather. Thinks, thinks, - cannot think of how to take revenge on him

“I think she’d gotten him right,” she said at last. - I will arrange something for him that he will bite his paws.

There was a deep hole in front of her hut. It was on her that the goat hoped.

- In the tanning vat you, wolf-kumanek, not otherwise! .. Soon you will pay off, And you, goat-goat, it's time to get down to business, wolf kumanek gave you a job!

With these words she tucked up the hem, rolled up her sleeves, lit a fire and let's cook. Prepared stuffed cabbage, saw, pies, cakes with sour cream and eggs and other all kinds of dishes; Then she filled the hole with burning coals and rotten ones, so that the fire smoldered under the berth, covered it crosswise with branches, threw the leaves on top, and sprinkled the earth on the leaves and covered them with a mat. And I also made a wax chair for the kumanka, dear guest.

She left the cooking on the fire, and she herself went into the forest - to call the wolf for the holiday. Walking through the forest, walking, near the ravine, the wolf comes out to meet her.

- Good day, godfather, what kind of wind brought you here?

- May there be good in your heart, how kind your look. What, don't you know what the wind brings, where the soul does not ask? Have visited, you see, someone in my house, has done me trouble!

- And what, dear gossip?

- The little goat has found some and tore the poor things to pieces! This is what it means to be a helpless widow!

- What are you, godfather, talking about?

- Now speak, do not speak - it will not be easier. They went, poor things, to the Lord God, and we need to take care of their souls. So I decided, according to my strength, to arrange a commemoration ceremony for you, kumanyok, to invite you to comfort me, poor ...

- Willingly, dear gossip, but would be more willing to come to your wedding.

- I believe, kumanyok, but what can you do? Not as we want it, but as God pleases.

The goat went, sobbing, to the house, and the wolf followed her, also pretending to be crying.

- Ah, kumanyok, kumanyok, - the goat sobs. - What is most dear to us, then we lose!

- What to do, godfather, if we knew what trouble awaits us, we would be careful in advance. But do not be so tormented, sooner or later we will all be there.

- That's right, kumanek. But my poor crumbs would only live and live!

- Yes, dear gossip, but, you see, God is also young to taste.

- If the Lord himself had tidied them up, it would be another matter ... But is it so?

- Do you know, godfather, when I think about it ... did not Toptygin come to your house? I remember that I once met him in a raspberry-tree. Here, he says, if the goat gave me my son to teach furrier business ...

Word for word, they got to the kumushka hut.

- Please, kumanyok, - the goat says, and she puts a wax chair on the mat. - Sit down, treat yourself to what God has sent!

And she pushed him a bowl full of cabbage rolls.

The wolf pounced on the stuffed cabbage greedily. Chav-chav! Sends them entirely down the throat.

- Lord, have mercy on the dead, it hurts, gossip, your cabbage rolls are good!

He said - and bang straight into the pit with burning coals: the wax chair had melted, and the twigs held on to one word of honor, just as much was required for the dear guest.

- Come on! Now give back, wolf, what you ate! Have you decided to compete with a goat? The goat will finish you off!

- Oh, godfather, oh, my heels are burning! Pull up quickly, the soul is on fire!

- No, kumanyok! After all, my soul burned in me when my kids died! By God, you say, the youngest to taste, and to my taste, and those that are older, would only be well fried. You know, so that the light penetrates them through.

- Oh, I'm burning, I'm dying, godfather! Save!

- Well, burn, kumanyok, perish! You can't get any good from you! Let the wool burn on you, which you swore that you would not touch my children! Do you remember how you swore, you fierce beast ?! But my kids have eaten them!

- Oh, it burns, everything inside me burns, godfather! Pull it out, have mercy on me!

- Death for death, kumanek, burn for burn! After all, you see, what word you let from the Holy Scripture just now!

They grabbed a goat and a kid by an armful of hay and threw it into a pit on a wolf. Then they began to throw stones at him and what came to hand until they finished him off. This is how the goat lost two of its kids, but it also lost its wolf, its godfather! The loss is not great!

Heard all the goats in the district about such a case, their hearts leaped! They all got together for a big feast, began to eat and drink, and they had such fun that it could not be described ...

And I was there, and as the time approached, I sat astride the saddle and told everything how it happened; then saddled the wheel, told you a fairy tale; and in the end he saddled the lentils and carried, good people, an utter fable.

Jokes about sheep and rams, goats and goats

* * *
If a person meets continuous Goats and Sheep in life - most likely he is just a Baran himself !!!

* * *
- And I took my daughter to the village, showed her the goat.
- Why?
- Well, so that she knows what a real goat he is! And then, after all, she only represents him from the words of his mother ...

* * *
A steep-horned ram with a bell is walking in front of the herd. The sheep are sure that he knows where he is leading them. And the ram just wants to be ahead - not dusty and a good choice of grass!

* * *
Seven kids beat the wolf with their hooves. He yells:
- What are you doing, wolves ?!
- Shut up, goat!

* * *
Every stupid sheep dreams of its ... sheep ...

* * *
- What does the proverb "And the wolves are fed, and the sheep are safe" mean?
“So the wolves ate the shepherd and the dog.

* * *
After listening to the fairy tale "The Wolf and the Seven Kids", a 3-year-old girl asked:
- Where was the goat dad?
And really where ?!

* * *
The Wolf came to the goat's house and sings:
- Little goats, children, open up, open up, your mother has come, brought milk!
- What are you chasing, goat? She went out for beer!

* * *
Conversation in the village of two neighbors:
- Why do you have a hornless goat?
- And we have an honest goat!

* * *
The rams in the backyard of the barbecue eavesdropped on the order and, if anything, hid in the pigsty.

* * *
- Opanas, yesterday Petro went hunting - he shot a sheep instead of a hare.
- And what is there to be surprised, he had only two marks in his school of zoology!

* * *
Since childhood, he dreamed of seeing three animals: a sidorov goat, an yoshkin cat and a fly-badge.

* * *
The field is not measured, the sheep are not counted, the shepherd is horned ...
- Damn, what is he doing in the pasture? And why did he leave his wife at home ?!

* * *
- Listen, Abram! If you still release your goat into the street, then I will kill him!
- What's the matter, Haim? Why is he bothering you?
- He runs under my windows all the time and shouts:
- KGB! KGB!

* * *
- From a black sheep - even a tuft of wool! - every time my wife used to say
honest cop, lighting a gas stove with a stun gun.

* * *
“Do you know you need three sheep to knit a sweater?”
- Yes? And my wife did it alone!

* * *
- Goat, why are your eyes so sad?
- Because the husband is a goat.

* * *
One friend complains to another:
- I already got this progress! Synthetic spices, artificial flavors, soy meat! It's impossible to eat! Yesterday I came to the kebab house, made me slaughter and fry a sheep in front of me ...
- Well? - It turned out to be cloned !!!

* * *
The new Russian is walking the goat, a policeman comes up to him and says:
- Don't you know that you can't walk pets in the city ???
New Russian answers:
- Pigeons fly over there too, shit everywhere and nothing!
the policeman hesitates a little and says:
- You understand, the dove is a symbol of peace!
New Russian:
- I am responsible for the market, my goat does not want war either!

* * *
- How do rams differ from each other?
- Clever rams are sheared, stupid ones - they are slaughtered.

* * *
An Australian farmer bought a Rolls-Royce for big money.
- Well, how is the car? - They ask him.
“Great,” he replies. “Especially the glass that separates me from the cockpit at the back.
- So what is so special about that?
- Don't tell me, now the sheep do not bother me to drive.

* * *
- What do you do when you can't sleep?
- I count sheep ...
- Ha! and I'm ex-girls!
- That's what I meant.

* * *
A hare is walking through the forest, he sees - a sheep is crying.
- Who hurt you? Yes, I'll break his mouth now!
- Woo-o-olk fights!
- A-a-a-a-a, a wolf ... Well, our gray one won't offend in vain.

* * *
You are still lucky with me, - says the wolf to the trembling sheep. - Can you imagine
what would have happened to you if you had been caught not by me, but by our whole flock! ..

New Year's toast against the Goats

Friends!
New 2015 is coming, the year of the goat according to the Eastern calendar.
East is a delicate matter. Maybe oriental goats are made of different dough and are worthy to hang on the board of honor, but our goats are goats!
First, they smell bad and look bad. Secondly, the goats are unkind. Personalities such as Koza Dereza, Koza Horned, Koza Bodataia and Cosa Nostra constantly terrorize people. Third, the goats are stupid. They do not understand and do not value their happiness.
One grandmother was very fond of her gray goat. And he took it and left her. And it would be good to see another grandmother, otherwise right into the forest! Where from him only horns and legs soon remained! This goat stupidity is an innate property of their breed. Even pigs are smarter than goats.
History knows cases when seven kids were in the belly of a wolf, while three little pigs themselves almost cooked soup from the wolf!
The goats' stupidity knows no bounds. It is no coincidence that they were appointed the scapegoats.
All goats walk with horns. Some goats have ceased to be ashamed of this and began to call themselves capricorns.
Further. The goats are ungrateful. Anyone who has ever let them into their garden knows this. The goats will trample all the greens for you, but they will never give you milk. Goats love to be confused with devils, but they are actually goats! In sports, they are only good for jumping over them, on the stage they all have goat voices ...
What goat, generally speaking, had the idea to name the year after the goats?
There is, however, one exception. This is Silver Hoof, which jumps over the mountains and carves gems with one left. But the exception only proves the rule.
Ladies and gentlemen! You have to be a goat to raise a toast in honor of the goats on this festive evening. Therefore, I propose to drink for the New Year! Let in the New Year, despite its name, And let on our life path and in the mirror we meet fewer goats!